5 Tips To Make It Through The Holidays (and keep practicing)

Stress.  Holidays.  Time (or lack thereof).  Loss.  Hurt.  Grief.  Frustration.  Anger.

Sound familiar?    So much of life is out of our control.  

Everywhere I have gone this week online and off I see many people having a hard time.   So here's my 5 cents worth (thanks Lucy Van Pelt) of holiday advice on keeping your sanity and finding that even keel (whether or not this includes guitar practice, which hopefully it does):

1.  Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff).   If somebody cuts you off in traffic, cuts in front of you in line, is rude, or offends you however, try to let it slide.  Especially with strangers.  Make a deal with yourself that you'll get angry about it after January 1st.   If that seems like too long, start with "I'll get angry about it tomorrow".   Remember, all that anger doesn't hurt them;  it only hurts you.

2.  Breathe.   Lots of tasks to get done before and during the holidays.  Take a minute to breathe.  Many of us, myself included, walk around holding our breath.  You have 10 seconds to catch your breath and start again.  Everybody can find 10 seconds.   Breathing is so very important.  Those who do yoga can practice ujjayi pranayama or "yoga breathing"- this alone can really help re-center you and it doesn't take much time.

3.  Be a little selfish.   This is the giving season, it's true.  But if you give everything you have to doing things for other people, you may feel a little hollow inside.  I'm not talking about big giving, like volunteering at a soup kitchen or playing Santa.  I'm talking about the stay-at-home mom who is cooking Christmas dinner, taking care of 2 - 4 kids, and buying all the presents.   I'm talking about those who are caregivers for sick relatives.   You can afford to take little bits of time for yourself, even if this just means 5 minutes to practice your guitar or meditate.   It is an old adage that if we don't take care of ourselves, we have little to give to others.

4.  Be a little helpful.   Ha!  The contradiction.  But if you are taking even just a little time for yourself, you will most likely be filled with at least a tiny bit of the giving spirit.  Also, it feels good to hold a door for someone, to do the dishes when not asked, to lighten someone else's load.   It's a vicious cycle:  we take a little time for us, have more to give to others, and head into our time for ourselves with a lighter heart.  This will improve your practice.

5.  Take what you need and leave the rest.  When I was 9 years old, my best friend got a Millenium Falcon (a Star Wars toy vehicle).   He and I would play with it at his house, but I was in massive envy.  I asked for it for Christmas, but never got one.  I felt 2nd rate for years because, when personal computers came out, I got a Commodore 64 for Christmas instead of an Apple.  This is the kind of stuff the holidays bring up, and, as you can see, I had a relatively privileged childhood;  I know people whose memories of the holidays include drunk parents, abuse, and no presents.  But no matter how "small" the wounds are, they are still wounds and we all have them in some form or the other.   So, the other day, I posted a picture on a social network of my 4th birthday party, and a friend of mine (also in the picture - we are still in touch!  How fantastic) commented on how she was always jealous because she thought I had "the best" toys.   How wild!   I can honestly say I *never* thought my stuff was "the best";  I always felt second-rate.

Here is my point:  parents do the best they can under the circumstances.  Children do their best as well.  Sometimes the best is not at all acceptable (i.e. your sister always gets the preferential treatment, there is physical/psychological abuse going on, etc).   But unfortunately we cannot redo our own personal histories.  They are there forever.  But we can choose how we relive them, or not to relive them at all.  We can take the best of our families, and leave the rest.  Maybe the best was that you had a safe space to escape to when things got rough.  Maybe the best is that, no matter what, your family always seemed to be able to laugh together.   Maybe the best part for you is that Christmas ends.  But you have the power of choice on how to react, and what you will create from these painful memories.  If you learn to play the guitar, you can write songs about it and make something beautiful/dissonant/rocking out of the bad feelings.   Someone thought I had cool toys - that still matters even at 30something...cleave to the positive!  Let go of the baggage (at least for a little bit).

Practice Beginner's Mind!  Happy holidays.